ABDUCTION REPORTS FROM GERMANY

SOAAR IS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE WE WILL BE RECEIVING ABDUCTION REPORTS FROM A GERMAN WEBSITE. PATRIK HUBNER WHO OWNS THE WEBSITE WILL BE TRANSLATING EACH REPORT AND SENDING IT TO SOAAR. AS THE REPORTS COME IN THEY WILL BE POSTED HERE.

Patrik's own experiences
Due to the amount of my experiences I can only give a brief impression about the things that have happened throughout my life and still continue to do so. I hope that my testimony may be valuable to someone out there and can provide help for those who are in a similar situation.

The Turning Point

At the age of 15, I have been confronted with the "secret life" I presumably had been leading since I was born, without my conscious mind ever noticing it. School vacation had just begun at the time of Pentecost in 1996, but I couldn't quite enjoy my free time as a result of several nocturnal occurrences which had left me in deep confusion about their nature. I couldn't refer them to dreams as they seemed very realistic to me, like they had actually taken place the during the night. One of these occurrences had a high emotional impact on me. I remember how I got up at night, following an inner compulsion to leave my bedroom. It was a very strange action because I actually did not want to leave the room. I was afraid to do so yet I had to go, as if I was acting in some kind of trance. My thinking processes had been narrowed down in some way and focused to that single noticeable thread.

The corridor in front of my room laid in complete darkness. I haven't liked this part of the apartment for a long time because it has always played an important role in most of my experiences. I could clearly feel the presence of something or somebody and took a few steps into the dark without exactly knowing where I wanted to go, still following my inner compulsion. The whole atmosphere in the apartment seemed to be somewhat tensed and electrified. My panic grew even more to a point where my teeth literally clattered. I reached out my hands to feel my way through the corridor and suddenly bumped into a figure which must have been standing there, waiting for my arrival. It seemed to be very small, not as tall as I used to be during that time, perhaps 4 foot 7 inches. It gently grabbed my hands and guided me down the corridor. At this point, my memories became blurred and I couldn't tell what happened next. Yet this event seemed so realistic as if it had really taken place. Of course, I didn't want to accept this idea and thought that it must have been a dream.

At the end of the week, I had another dream which stimulated a very intense flashback. In this dream, I found myself in the apartment at some point at dawn. I entered the kitchen and looked at the clock on the microwave oven to find out what time it was. After that, I made my way through the corridor and went into my room. The following sight gave me the creeps as everything seemed in a mess. I thought to myself: What the hell happened in here? Somebody must have disarranged all the furniture! Suddenly I heard the banging of the room door. As I turned around to see what had happened, I only saw a Gray being running right towards me. He made a dash at me and we both hit the floor, struggling together. I didn't know what he wanted to achieve with this action and only tried to fight him off. I blacked out. Today I think that it was only a dream, but in some elements it may had been stimulated by real events which have been repressed in my subconscious. I awoke in the morning and made my way into the kitchen to throw something into the trash can. Just as I opened the bin, my eyes took a glance at the microwave oven...

- Flashback -

I saw myself standing at the top end of the corridor, just beside my room. The night was lit by a blue light which entered our apartment from somewhere outside. All the doors seemed to be open, except the front door. There were two Gray beings standing right beside me. I could clearly perceive them as the blue light shone brightly enough to make me see plenty of our surrounding. Each of them held me by the hands and guided me down the corridor. As we passed by the kitchen door, I could see some other Grays who moved inside the room. We finally reached my parents' bedroom. The doors were open too and there also seemed to be someone inside. Apparently, we were moving further down towards the end of the corridor.

- End of flashback -

I was standing in the kitchen, startled. I had never experienced something like that before. The flashback had almost been as realistic as any other experience. Completely immersed into this piece of memory, I lived through this incident for a second time. Astonishingly enough, it reminded me of the "dream" which I had described above. It was very weird. Although this was the first time I consciously remembered this episode, I had a feeling of familiarity and I instantly knew that this had happened many times before - but I didn't know where this knowledge came from. From this day forward, more and more memories started to get out of my subconscious which illuminated the existence of my "secret life." Since then, everything has changed - this day had been the turning point of my life.

Childhood experiences

One of the particular aspects of the abduction phenomenon consisted in the recovery of suppressed memories in the years to follow. Imagine that you have experienced or witnessed an important event in your past, but forgotten about it immediately. It would seem that this event has never existed - and yet it has some kind of impact, an uncertain influence on your personal life as it still exists somewhere deep in your subconscious. One day, something happens that triggers feelings and emotions which can be strong enough to bring back the memories. Suddenly you stumble over them, and you wonder, "how could I ever forget it?" You knew that they have always existed, since you have witnessed them some years ago, but they couldn't reach you - or something has prevented them to get noticed. I soon found out that there were plenty of them, just waiting to be discovered.

There are some things which I have discovered or witnessed earlier, but I didn't seem to be able to integrate them into my life since I only caught a glimpse of something I didn't understand. It was only after my adolescence that I could finally relate them to the abduction phenomenon. I've got some blurred memories from my earliest childhood which are dominated by the fear of something that would happen in my bedroom. There also seemed to be recurrent incidents which happened at our apartment. They must have started at an early age, when I was approximately 4 years old, and accompanied my life until adolescence. I remember being inside the apartment, alone. It was night, but one room was usually lit. Suddenly, the light bulbs would get very dim, as if something affected the electricity system. This incident came along in many variations. Sometimes, the bulbs were already dimmed. I used to be very afraid because I knew that there was a connection between the light and "their" arrival. It was an indication that they were finally here. The lights usually didn't react as I tried to turn them off. Sometimes they did, but the light switch afterwards wouldn't react to my efforts to turn them on again. The reason for my desperate actions was my innocent child's mind which implied that everything would be all right when I would manage to turn on the light. After that, "they" would arrive and come after me. I don't remember any details of the subsequent events, but I've got some impressions about them. I remember a Gray who once stepped out the kitchen while I frantically tried to activate the light switch. I must have been very young at this time (between 4-5 years). Usually, the room would fill with the particular atmosphere I also encountered during my other experiences, followed by the sound of footsteps or the feeling that something rapidly moved towards me. This always was the last thing that I remembered. There were also experiences where I didn't manage to turn on the light.

Like many other children, I was afraid of the dark. I often used to cover myself with the blanket in order to avoid that no body part would be reachable for someone who might be there in the shadows. Sometimes I accidentally fell out of the bed as I was still small and could not coordinate my movements properly. It was pure horror. I had lost my precious protection and did not dare to move because I feared that somebody might come out of the darkness. At least on two occasions, I heard the familiar footsteps and immediately knew that "they" were coming again. They entered the bedroom and approached me as I was lying on the floor. One of them spoke to me, as usual. I feared and hated "him." Sometimes, something seemed to enter the room, and I did not dare to open my eyes. I could hear their movements in the room, and soon they were approaching my bed, grabbing at me. Although my memories were somewhat blurred, I soon began to realize that I had experienced many more visitations which were very similar to the latter episode.

Again, it was due to a flashback that I began to uncover the missing pieces. Me and my brother had a playful struggle and I hid underneath my blanket. From this position, I began to kick him with my feet. At that particular moment, the flashback started to burst out of my subconscious. Piece by piece, the memories started to fade in again. I remembered the familiar atmosphere which would fill the whole apartment, accompanied by an eerie silence through which I could clearly perceive the sound of my tinnitus. In the majority of cases, I awoke to the sound of heavy footsteps which were banging on the floor. It seemed as if several people quickly ran through the corridor, heading towards my room. There were only a few moments left until they would arrive. Paradoxically, I "knew" what they were and what they were going to do since it had happened many times before. My usual reaction was to quickly pull up the blanket in order to hide myself from their view. There were many other variations or strategies through which I desperately tried to achieve that they wouldn't see me. For instance, I would throw myself to the other side of the bed, face against the ceiling. I didn't want to see or be next to them. As I have stated before, I had to be very quick since they were moving very fast. It happened quite often that it was too late for any possible action. In that case, I just played dead - I closed my eyes and tried not to move, hoping that they wouldn't notice me and just go away after a while. Sometimes they had just entered the room while I was performing a movement. I then grew stiff and hoped that they wouldn't become aware of me, but at the same time, I knew that my efforts were hopeless, since I was the object of interest. As I was still able to move, I sometimes kicked them with my feet (that's why the flashback occurred) and was very persistent in doing so. I considered it to be a matter of life and death because I knew what would happen next. They would take me with them, and it would be awful, as always. I remember a certain surrounding dim light with a slight shade of brown and yellow, a little bit messy (?), a cold table which caused pain when I had to lie down. I was naked and had to do what they want. It had something to do with my body, but I don't remember any details. I didn't want to go with them! Therefore, defending myself seemed to be the best solution. Actually, I didn't have the option to react differently, since my fear automatically took control over my bodily functions. The beings did not seem to have any interest in comforting me - they made the whole situation even worse by behaving in strange ways. They usually came as a group of three, and there was at least one being which was familiar to me. It is the one I remember best because it was the one I feared the most. It often seemed to talk to me when it entered the room, but it was rather a bawling and shouting. I had the impression that it didn't like my reactions and mocked me. Perhaps it was sort of crazy, of a sadistic nature or it went berserk for some reason, I don't know. It was the first to enter the room and to step in front of my bed. They then would grab at me or softly pull the blanket aside. I don't quite understand why I could still move and defended myself. At least they seemed to have a few problems and couldn't manage to touch me. Often I kicked at their hands and tried to hold the blanket tight so they couldn't get through or pull it away. Sometimes, I ran out of air and it would get very hot underneath the blanket. I gasped for breath and was in danger to lose consciousness. In some of the cases, they just seemed to wait until I was exhausted. They then did something which caused a black out, and as my consciousness faded, it was a real relief not to experience this kind of fear any longer.

Thus, my "struggles for life" left a form of trauma upon me, and it's sometimes hard to deal with the memories. I was a child of maybe five or six when these incidents happened, and they seemed to last about three or four years. During this time, my personality altered in some way. I became very shy and was afraid to talk with other people. I secluded myself from the world outside, and the loneliness became my shelter. My parents often wondered why my personality had changed that drastically. If I had the chance to recover my memories with the aid of hypnosis, this would be the place to start because it had the strongest impact upon my personality. I only know that these kind of experiences happened very often, and I was still a child whose soul has been deeply affected. This is something I still take amiss. I even cannot remember their outer appearance clearly. They had a similar build like the Grays, but seemed somewhat slimmer, a little bit taller.

At least, this whole episode had come to an end and I never saw the "bawler" again. The abduction process seemed to evolve with time.

Adolescence

The discovery of my suppressed experiences was in many ways like opening a door. In the years and months following the incident at Pentecost, I became more and more sensitive towards my ongoing abductions. My ability to remember the details of a nightly visitation has increased. Whenever an abduction occurred, I tried to write its content down. In most of the cases, I have been forced to leave my room in the same trancelike state which I have mentioned earlier. I was acting against my will, as if I had been programmed like a machine to perform a certain task.

Often, I didn't seem to be conscious during these actions. I was strongly immersed in this shifted consciousness and my cognitive functions were disabled during that time, almost like a sleepwalker. On several occasions, I was aware of my surrounding and could manage to reactivate consciousness to a certain degree, but my capacity to act has still been restricted, and so I wasn't able to run away, even if I wanted to. It seemed as if there were various degrees or intensities of this peculiar state of mind, and they were able to control and modify it so the result would fit their need.

However, it happened that I managed to gain control over my bodily functions and resisted my inner compulsion. They didn't seem to be enthusiastic about it and were quickly reacting to regain control. For example, I simply returned to my room when I was about to step into the corridor. It was a very arduous act, almost like striving against an invisible resistance or force field. After that, some of the Grays were running into the room and I lost consciousness, my body simply fainted. It seemed as if my muscles had slackened. At another time, I managed to run a few steps away when we were standing in the corridor. They then ran after me and again, my body fell on the floor and I blacked out.

In most of the cases, they didn't seem to come into my room. They were waiting outside until I would step into the corridor, and then we went through the apartment together. At first, I didn't know where our journey ended since my memories were only fragmentarily. We were always walking through the corridor, towards the living room and the balcony. I had a few memories of standing on our balcony at night. I was wearing my pair of pajamas, and it was cold outside. There was a bright, white, oblong object flying over the hills in the distance. Later I found out that our destination was indeed the balcony.

At several occasions, they didn't seem to be present in a physical state, but I could clearly sense them and knew they were about to appear. I would left my room, as always, but they weren't yet there. It happened that I walked through our apartment during that time or even sat down somewhere, very dizzy and fearful. Then something would take place or my memories became blur. In one experience, I was walking through the living room when something seemed to jump at me. I could only see a light blue "flash," and then I blacked out.

In spite of everything, I didn't want to believe that I could indeed be an abductee. I tried to suppress these kind of experiences and often was engaged in finding rational explanations for the things that have happened. Eventually, I repressed the whole matter and therefore was often feeling miserable or depressed. No matter what I did, the experiences didn't cease to manifest into my life.

Confrontation

One day, I realized that I couldn't go on just like that. I finally got access to the Internet and decided to search for other people who might have experienced something similar. By "accident," I found another abductee, and soon we were sharing our experiences and views on the abduction phenomenon regularly via instant messenger. I also stumbled across several websites which propagated the importance of free will. These articles literally set off an avalanche. I rebelled against "them" and didn't want to be deceived any longer. I hadn't given them the permission to step into my life and to take me with them! For the first time in my life, I consciously accepted their existence, but at the same time, I didn't want them to manifest in my life any longer. I made them responsible for the crap that had happened in my life, for the many experiences which had affected my personality and thus made me feel different from other people, causing isolation. I just wanted to lead a normal life. I started to turn my life upside down and therefore managed to establish many positive changes. One of the first steps was to come out of my closet - I have been attracted to men for many years, but I had always suppressed this fact. I also took exercise and grew in confidence. Finally, I met my first boyfriend. I had the impression that I was stronger than "them" and had won the battle. But "they" had something to show me - when I spent the first night at my boyfriend's home, I awoke at night to take alarm. There was a tall black figure standing in the room, almost like a shadow. It was standing there for a few seconds and then seemed to move towards the bed. I wanted to resist its approach, but felt helpless at the same time and blacked out. In the following weeks, I felt very flabby, and my physical strength seemed to be gone. I later came to the conclusion that it might have been some kind of message. It was like they were saying: "You cannot fight us." Instead of considering myself as a victim, I rather accepted them as a part of my life -- and finally accepted myself, too. I buried the hatchet and tried to learn something from the whole situation that would be usable and maybe also enriching for my further life. In so doing, I have learned many things about myself and the world around me. Eventually, my experiences have shaped my personality and the way I look at the world. These were features which I couldn't suppress any longer.

After the experiences during adolescence, a "break" of three years occurred during which no activity could be noticed. Along with the ongoing changes in my life, the beings seemed to reappear. The incident in my boyfriend's room was just the beginning of a few upcoming nightly visitations. For instance, I "dreamed" about communicating with a Gray. He was standing towards me, and the surrounding was a blur white backdrop without any details. The Gray told me that I had to stay calm and to remain asleep. I was somehow suspicious of the whole situation and answered that I would like to get up. He asserted his first statement and said that he would prevent me from getting up but I didn't want to submit to his will, and suddenly woke up in my bed. The first thing that I perceived was the palm of a hand which had been placed in the middle of my face, pushing my head against the pillow! At first, I wasn't quite able to move, but I reacted quickly by intuitionally moving my head to the opposite direction. The hand reacted by pushing even harder, but my jerky movement seemed to fill "it" with surprise. The hand was pulled back, and I gained control of my bodily functions. I spent a few minutes hiding underneath my blanket and finally had the heart to take a look at my room, but there was nobody in there.

In the late summer of 2002, I consciously witnessed the beginning of an abduction. I got very tired and had to go to bed, although it was still early (at least in my opinion, since it was Saturday night) and I wanted to stay awake a little bit longer. At that time, I used to fall asleep to the sound of my headphones. It was an efficient way to create a pleasant atmosphere and had helped me many times to drift off for sleep, but eventually grew to a bad habit. Due to my extreme fatigue, I turned the CD-player off after a few minutes. I rapidly fell asleep. After what seemed only a few minutes, I quickly rose out of sleep to find myself paralyzed in bed. However, I knew this condition from some former nightly experiences and therefore thought that I was suffering a sleep paralysis. Many times before I had wondered what I should do in order to master this very situation - whether sleep paralysis or alien abduction. Back then, I had come to the conclusion that it would be best to focus on a particular part of the body and try to move it in order to break the paralysis. And so I did. I focused on my arm and arduously managed to reactivate it. I felt some kind of presence, as if somebody was standing in my room, but I wasn't quite sure about it because I couldn't oversee the room from my actual position. I hoped that if it was an alien abduction, "they" would simply run away when they would notice that I broke the paralysis. I had read that it may be an efficient strategy to beat them off. I finally managed to lift my hand and to push the light switch of the little reading lamp just above my bed - but nothing happened.

Suddenly, there was a slight change in consciousness. I could immediately move my body, but something was different. It seemed as if something had taken over and now was in control of my entire being. I got out of bed and almost ran out of my room. When I entered the living-room, I seemed to regain a bit more of my consciousness. I (or them)? slowed down the movement of my body, but still, I couldn't take control of the whole situation. I was merely an observer and couldn't interfere to prevent my body from walking. The only thing I could do was to abuse "them." A Gray being stood motionless at the opposite end of the living room. I had to pass it by and could clearly perceive it. There didn't seem to be any reaction whatsoever. I could sense the familiar atmosphere which usually accompanied their visits and now covered the whole apartment. I was shaking with fear as my body moved on to step out on the balcony. Since it was summer, my parents had left the balcony door ajar. I was surprised to see that somebody must have opened the sun-blind which had previously covered the entrance to the balcony. As I was standing on the balcony, I felt a sudden dizziness and seemed to black out. My consciousness started to fade and my head was swimming. I had to lean against the banister to keep me from falling to the floor. However, I could cast a glance at our neighborhood which completely lay in darkness. There didn't seem to be any light, neither from the adjacent flats nor from the street lamps (it was about 2:30 am). I didn't see anything unusual in the sky. Till this day, I donut know exactly what has happened back then. I only remember standing at the banister for some time. Suddenly, there was some kind of interruption and I returned to the apartment, feeling slightly better now. Today I think that something must have happened during that time. On the way back to my room, I passed another Gray who stood motionless at the bottom end of the corridor. Finally, they put me to bed and had to assist me so that I could lay down properly. During this action, I tried to turn on the light once again, but the switch still didn't react to my efforts. I threatened to black out again, but tried to resist as best as I could. I seemed to nod off, but quickly arose from my sleep, still unable to move. After a short while, I heard people walking on the street. The paralysis now was gone. Still agitated from the event that had taken place a few minutes ago, I raised my hand and pushed the light switch - it worked! Since I had looked at the clock before I went to bed, I have estimated that the whole incident must have last about 30 minutes. After this event, my abductions began to decrease in number again.

In December 2002, I got a visit from a hooded being which wore some kind of cowl. It seemed as if it had manipulated the whole scene in order to keep me under control or to amplify its impact upon me. I know that we were standing in the corridor, but the being somewhat had modified the appearance of our surrounding. It seemed like I had been brought under control, too, and therefore was forced to attend its visit, unable to move and feeling dizzy. We were surrounded by a pitch-black darkness, and the being was standing several footsteps away from me. Paradoxically, it was illuminated as if it was standing in plain daylight, its outlines were rather distinguishable from the surrounding blackness. The being began to talk to me, but I donut remember the words. Its face was covered by the hood, and there was only a black hole left. However, I had the feeling that it might be of a Grayish nature, and it seemed to send me a picture which was indicating that there was some kind of Gray underneath the clothing. The cowl was of red color (with a coloring between dark red and pink). At the end of its monologue, it started to laugh. I didn't like the laugh since it was very smug. After that, somebody assisted me to lay down into my bed. The hooded being was standing next to my bed, and our surrounding had been normalized again.

In the year 2003, I have been visited by a particular being twice within a week. Its appearance was rather distinguishable from the nocturnal darkness as it looked deep black. However, I couldn't identify any other features of its outer appearance. In retrospective, it reminded me a little bit of the Green Goblin as displayed in the movie "Spider-Man." At both occasions, it floated in the air, bent forward, looking down at me. The first experience was a bit confusing since it was floating over my bed and I felt really dizzy. I therefore temporarily lost consciousness two times. When I awoke, "they" were still there (the second time, a hazy, flaky black structure in the shape of a Gray seemed to materialize inside the room). Several times, the floating being "threw" something at me and I reacted by quickly hiding underneath the blanket, stretching my arms against it. I could feel the solidness of the object which seemed quadratically in shape, like some kind of plate. Yet it didn't seem to be heavy. At first, I thought that it had been some kind of dream. A few days later, I got another visit. This time, I initially spoke to several (persons? beings?) inside my room, then left to walk through the apartment and enter the kitchen (I seemed to act in that particular "trance" I had described earlier). Upon entering, I stopped to see the very same being at the opposite end of the kitchen. Again, it looked like a dark shadow, floating in the air, bent forward. On this occasion, I could perceive its extremities with long arms which seemed to be slightly bent, similar to the forefeet of a crab. My initial reaction was to throw some abuses at it. It then began to speak to me, but I didn't remember the words. At the same time, I also wasn't able to move and I felt like I had been completely under their control.

Although I have managed to recover many missing pieces of my past, I feel like I have only covered the tip of the iceberg. To make things worse, my memories are mostly fragmentarily and I donut remember details such as the content of conversations or the events which took place in "the other rooms" outside of the apartment. These blackouts can be quite frustrating. Yet, some elements tend to emerge from time to time, as displayed within this flashback:

I'm lying on a table in an unacquainted room. From my position, I can see about half a dozen Gray beings standing around the table. They seem to be occupied with an action they are performing at the lower part of my body, presumably at the level of my upper feet. The whole room is filled with a bright yellow light which has a dominating orange shade. It strains my eyes as I try to open them. At the same moment, some of the Grays are beginning to look in my direction. It seems as they are slightly surprised to see me awake. I donut know if I'm trying to move. The light is glistening on their skin. Two or three Grays get ready to take care for the problem. The two of them which are standing aside of my head bend over to look me in the eyes. One of them finally takes over and performs the action. Blackout. I have feeling that something had gone wrong because I had temporary gained too much consciousness.

Lately, I've been trying to develop strategies which should help me to overcome my fears during an abduction. For example, I tried to envision an abduction scenario and thought about several alternative reactions. During that time, I had a particular dream which could have been influenced by them. It was night, and I just got up. I was standing in my room, and suddenly, a Gray being appeared out of nowhere. I was immediately filled with fear and subsided to the floor. However, I managed to pull myself up and greeted him, since he seemed familiar to me. I then asked: "Are you going to take me with you?" and: "Do we have to go now?" He just said: "No." He bent over me, and I had the chance to look at him. I stood up and awoke a few minutes later.

More recently, I've been experimenting with astral projection and have managed to leave my body a few times, but I'm still learning to develop this ability.